The subtle guide

Yesterday I did a guided meditation. One I used to do all the time but have not done for some time. Since I started my meditation teaching course, I have been doing unguided and self directed meditations. To explore how meditation feels without the guide rope of instructions and a set time. However, as we have to actually create our own scripts, and have been examining the structure of scripts for guided meditations, I felt it was an appropriate time to revisit my meditation app. To listen to a guided meditation with a new awareness and the beginner’s mind.

It was an interesting experience. One of the most surprising aspects was that the guided meditation felt so short. The guided meditation was a half hour meditation, after it finished I felt the need to continue, and so I did an unguided, self directed meditation and only after this, did I feel the meditation session was complete. This is interesting because previously I had found this particular guided meditation to be a little long. Although, this may have been because I had completed this guided meditation over time repetitively, and knew the script back to front, there was no novelty. Or perhaps, by doing self directed meditation, I had extended my meditation time. As often, unguided, I am surprised at how much time has passed when I eventually come out of the meditation. Surprised that more than an hour, sometimes an hour and a half has lapsed.

Throughout the meditation I was aware of the script in a way I normally wouldn’t have been. Perhaps it was because I was deliberately noticing it more, for analysis. Maybe this is why I didn’t enter the usual meditative state I normally would have entered. This could explain why I felt I needed to continue with a self directed meditation after the guided one finished.

During the meditation, I was conscious of the structure of the meditation. In line with what I have been taught recently. I noticed the preparatory stage, when it moved me to check in, then onto physical relaxation, settling the mind and if I was given any less directive time to just step back, observe and evaluate, before moving onto a more free flowing meditation and then coming back to physical relaxation, checking in and closing the meditation.

I was also really conscious of where my focus was directed. Was it predominately where most meditation seems to take us? Was it mainly drawing my attention to my breath. To my senses, external sounds or temperature. Was this the main weighting of focus? Did the guide allow me to explore my thoughts, explore my emotions? And if so, was it just to notice them and let them go. Or was I encouraged to be curious? Encouraged to explore? Explore my thoughts or my feelings. Give them some attention, some direct attention? Not really. As was typical, I was given my breath as an anchor. My body as a way into my mind. And I was asked to just sit back and notice my thoughts like ‘leaves on a river’. I have always found this a very difficult visual to achieve. Interestingly, I noticed that like a lot of meditation, I was being asked to clear my mind, be free of thoughts. An impossible ask.

I noticed the permission I was given. If I was given permission to move, to choose which direction the meditation went. If I was allowed to use my imagination. Encouraged to do so. If I was given options. If any of the directions were impossible to actually achieve. It is not overly relaxing when you are asked to breathe in, hold your breath and then breathe out at a rate that feels uncomfortable by the time the instructions are finished. And difficult given everyone’s rhythm for breathing will be very different.

The guide rope was there. But I found it incredibly restrictive. I used to think this was a great meditation tool, an app with guided meditations that worked for me, suited me, I discovered today this was no longer true. I am not sure if I have simply outgrown this guided meditation, or if, now understanding some of the finer details, and some of the preconceived ideas, this guided meditation no longer suits me. Or if I am now growing as a meditator.

So, I am now on a journey to try out as many guided meditations (in-between my own self directed meditation) in order to work out what might make a useful guided meditation that allows people to achieve their intentions from meditation, without restrictions, limitations, without stereo typical ideas and approaches. One that allows the individual to make the meditation their own, while being gently led along the path (perhaps with their eyes closed). I think one of the biggest learnings for me from this meditation teaching course is how vulnerable people are when they are meditating. How important trust is. Trust of the teacher. Of the guide.

A good guide on a trip for example, will lead the way, without taking away the uniqueness of your journey. A good guide will go with you, where you want to go, to the places you are interested in and want to see. The guide will make suggestions, but ultimately it is your call what you explore, what you experience. A good guide, also steps back at the right time to let you experience the place you have chosen. A good guide knows to be careful not to get in the way. You won’t even realise they are there, until you need them. A good guided meditation will do all these things. It will do exactly the same. It will allow people to make their meditation journey their own. Through a series of good guided meditations, you will have the desire and the confidence to try more, to explore on your own, to trust your instincts. A good guide is one you suddenly discover you no longer need. And they will exit without you really noticing their absence, as you take yourself on your path of discovery.