Beware of compare

Life is not a race. We are not trying to beat one another to the finish line. It is not about getting there first. Before anyone else. Life is not about breaking a new record. Not about getting the gold medal. Or standing on the top of the podium looking down at others. It is not about staying in your lane, or running in one direction. Life is a meandering path, with unexpected turns, and rest spots where you can take a break and enjoy the scenery. Life is meant to be strolled, with people alongside you. With time taken to appreciate the beauty around you and the company of others.

I didn’t know that Oprah Winfrey was a track runner when she was young. I recently heard her say she was, while using running as a great analogy for life. She talked about the energy a runner uses when they turn around to look at their competitors, the other runners, to see where they are. She explained how this takes quite a bit of energy and focus away from your own race as a runner. By being worried about others, you negatively impact your own. She went on to share how it is the same for life.

This got me thinking about two things. First how people often think life is a race. The race to get the best job. The race to get the new car, or the vintage sports car. The race to get the latest iPhone. The race to get the latest fashion. All material things, all things of status, all things of ego. Life isn’t a race, but if it was, and you took a moment to sit back watching it from the stands, you might be surprised to see a hell of a lot of people wasting quite a bit of their energy and focus on others, on their ‘competitors’. We all know people who are so focussed on the race, they are forgetting to live. They are missing out on enjoying the moment. And I was one of them once too. I was on the race to get that job, to get that house, to get that car. I worked myself to the bone to get there, exhausted myself, spent too many hours at work and it became all I had. All I could think about, all I talked about. Makes for one very boring person, the one who is stuck in the one lane, looking for the finish line and the finish line only. And what happens when you cross it? What is there for you? Who is there with you?

Secondly, thinking about this, I started to consider this whole comparison thing. How people compare themselves to others all the time. How soul destroying this is. How useless it is. It is fine to be inspired, but comparing is unnecessarily critical and negative, and will only end in tears. Comparison leads to unwanted jealousy. Or superiority. Compare and be less, and you feel like you have been cheated. Or you wonder why the person over there has what you want, and you don’t. Compare and be more, and the ugly delight of being ‘better’ creeps in. Where is the humanity in that? Where is the compassion? Where is the community? And we have all been there. We have all done it. It helps no one and hurts everyone, including yourself. And Ivanla Vanzant expresses it beautifully (no doubt with some yelling).

‘Comparison is an act of violence against the self.’ Ivanla Vanzant

I have decided, it is time for me to be aware of the comparisons I make. And to stop doing it. To stop comparing myself to others. To catch myself when I do it. To redirect my focus away from comparison. I am not going to waste my energy by looking around to see where others are compared to me. I am happy to look around. Happy to pause to see what others are up to, in order to enjoy and celebrate them, to be inspired by them, to help them. But not to race them. Not to see where I am, in comparison. Life is not a race. I am not running to a finish line. Life is an adventure. I am hiking through life with my family and friends, learning new things, discovering things about the people around me, savouring the moments. Noticing when someone needs a hand, some extra guide rope. Enjoying the scenery, the vista around us. Taking time to collect moments, not things. To collect sunsets and sunrises. Walks and conversations. Taking time to notice where we all are, together.